Women who want to say things until their hearts and breath are arrested by one flash of beautiful eyes, one room brightening smile, one set of kind words.
I've been there.
Boy, have I been there.
So desperately gone that forgiveness of factual manipulation comes before he even knows I've been made aware of it.
So completely enamoured with a shining set of eyes, and the soft parting of full, round lips that it's easy to believe. Even if the belief ebbs in his absence.
So fully in need of kind words, of sexual validation that morals almost become malleable.
So fascinated by mind and soul that I'll take anything offered, just to be close to him.
And so crushed when each and every one of these relationships or non-relationships falls to it's inevitable demise. So discouraged to be reminded that I knew I didn't measure up. I knew it could never work. I knew I was trading a moment of oblivious pleasure for a tiny shard of my own self worth.
I traded that self worth willingly. Gave it away to the highest bidder for the intoxication of exploration, of doors opened and paths explored. For the heady feeling of acceptance and belonging. For the privilege of my skin against his, my lips on his cock, my hands on his body and the blood coursing through my veins, charged with sexual hormones.
Sometimes I dream of the taste of your skin.
7 comments:
oh do i ever know that feeling. and you know? you don't even have to fuck them. you don't ever have to get together with them.
you're still just lost in them.
one little quirk of those perfect lips or one little flash of those deep eyes and you're gone again.
you know he's a liar or a cheat or that he's playing you or that how you really feel is irrelevant to him and yet? can you stop yourself? not for a second because well... he's fucking perfect isn't he?
except no, he isn't.
tragically it really is all about self worth and valuing yourself... but that doesn't make it any easier to unhook yourself.
especially when they're masters at bait and switch.
sometimes i dream that dream too...
Very true.
And some of them are so very good at the bait and switch I still can't quite believe that that was the game all along.
Others of them are so abysmally bad at it I saw right through it, but damn those perfect features, those little quirks those moments of laughter for their ability to make me overlook it. Hope for the best despite knowing the worst.
I remember when things were fracturing with one of them, realizing something rather unpleasant and explaining it away for him. What should I have expected? It's not like we made any promises...
gar.
it's them... the really really good ones. even when it's staring you in the face and it's happened repeatedly there you are still explaining away... cause of course they're so fucking perfect and all that it can't be that they are shamelessly abusing your trusting nature.
oh no, you must be reading their behaviour wrong.
whatfucking ever :)
ah yes... when they can say with impunity 'but i never said....'
yeah but you sure implied !
The street is filled with two way traffic. Many times I find that the very things that women fall in love with men for, are the same things that they later hate. Women love my spontanatity when we meet, but shortly after we are a couple, they find my lack of planning a real irritation. They love my honesty until until I tell them that their co-worker is actually acting like the adult in a work related dispute. They love my ability to just be in a room without having to talk all the time, until I have nothing to say.
Believe me, most of the men I know really do want to please their women. But we find it frustrating that no matter how much we try, there is always something else that we have failed at. I might be bringing a lot of baggage from my last relationship to this comment, but there was a point. A point with my ex that I just gave up trying because I was never going to make her happy. No matter what! And no one wants to work that hard only to made to feel that they've come up short of expectation yet again. You call it bait and switch, but the way I see it, we're not the only ones who are guilty of switching. How is it that those very things that you fall for end up being the things that you try to break us of later on in the relationship?
well, personally about the only thing i recall really really trying to get tr to do was call if he wasn't coming home for dinner...
and think about me before he made a decision... yeah that was it.
i don't see the point of trying to make people into people that they aren't, you're who you are and nothing anyone can do will change that. of course knowing each other and compromising with each other and learning to accept each other will change both of you... but that happens with friends and siblings too.
what *i* personally do (and am getting better with all the time) is not take things up with people before i'm enraged. it's a lot easier to talk it out when you're only irked.
bait and switch sucks, i certainly wasn't implying that only men did it, i know a lot of women just like that. but it's only men that do it to ME.
:)
oh man md this one guy in college chased me for THREE months and i finally slept with him (knowing that it was a Bad Idea) and never heard from him ever again.
and the sex didn't suck either!
dude, I SO know the point at which you decide the SO will NEVER be satisfied, and that total "throwing in the towel", getting tired of trying so fucking hard.
I don't ask much, generally speaking. And that seems, in more than one case to have been the death of it. An indication that I wasn't invested, or was unwilling to become invested.
Perhaps it was *shrugs*
At any rate, this post was so much more about ME than about THEM.
well since you are the woman you were writing about... but so are all of the women you know :)
i remember the second i was done putting up with the way tr talked to me. his cold impatience. his cutting dismissal of me.
i'll never forget that second, it's why i know that i don't want him back.
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